My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
