Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
