I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize