I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
