Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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