Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm so fucking centered right now
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
There are leaves in my underwear?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
