My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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