so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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