i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
