Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
