I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
