Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
