me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
