chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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