Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
