We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
