Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
