I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
