I CAN MOONWALK!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
