My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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