She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
50% drunk capacity currently
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
