no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
