If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
