but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
