i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize