There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
