So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
