So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
