Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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