thus making me awesome and them whores
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize