Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Soap is not a condiment
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
