Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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