im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
