Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
