According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
