ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
