i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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