hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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