haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
