hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
