i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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