he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
