At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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