Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
