I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize