I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
