He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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