Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
