I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
