So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
