i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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