i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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