shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
