Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
