White coat. Heels.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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