I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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