would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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