If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize