FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
