sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
