You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
