my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Everything about him screamed your future.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
