I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
