Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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