Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He felt like a one man threesome
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
