I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
