My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
