Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
