So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Ladies don't puke and tell
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
